Thank you, one and all, for your emails, texts, and phone calls today, as I turn 62. My heart is lifted with each one! I’ve shared the old worn out joke, since my early teaching days, that the network TV trucks are jammed in our neighborhood, waiting to see if this groundhog emerges with a shadow or not. Well, today, of course, there is a shadow, albeit a cold one, so that makes for a longer winter for we San Diegans. El Nino, anyone?

Well, the good news of clearing the hurdle to be seen by the next doc has been tempered somewhat, I’m sorry to say. But, this journal/blog is about transparency, with the good and bad of life. Unfortunately, I took a bit of a turn for the worse last night. By about 9, I had the worst headache to date. Not migraine level (I don’t get migraines), but it was centered behind my right eye and was definitely uncomfortable, to say the least. Made it through the night on Tylenol but it had not abated by morning. We’re monitoring it closely, although I’m not in a place to say its urgent. Was laying in a dark room quietly, praying and listening to some beautiful music, when I felt called to write. Probably not the best idea, what with looking at a laptop screen, so this may come in bits and pieces.

How do people do this alone? They do, I know, either by circumstances or choice. I’m so not alone, I might as well be in the middle of Grand Central Station. Except everywhere I look I don’t see crowds of faceless disconnected people bustling about. I see smiles and laughter and outstretched arms. Full hearts. Giving and loving. It’s like a party! However we might think of heaven or life after death, this has to be one of the clues … a connecting rod with that other reality. I’ll put on my preaching hat and say that we are created to be in relationship as God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is in relationship. Others are welcome to question that theology or its main point here. But, my lifetime of experience only increases my conviction as I grow older. What is a feast? It is a celebration of a great thing. I feast on the knowledge that I am wholly loved by God and maybe just slightly less wholly loved by so many others!

I will share the lyrics to my favorite song of the last year in a moment. I mentioned it in a previous post. But, before I do, my heart and prayers went out awhile ago to three friends, each whom are suffering far more debilitating physical issues that I.  One has suffered for many, many years. The other two, perhaps in the last two or three years. Each is around my age or slightly younger. All three have diseases that are basically incurable, with varying degrees of implication for mortality and quality of life in the meantime. All three have a deep and abiding faith and love of God. They follow Jesus through thick and thin. While they might face some dark times, each radiates joy. I know they suffer terribly at times, but I haven’t heard what can be called a complaint. I am humbled by their example.

While my situation is different in some respect,it is similar in others. I would say that none of the four of us could be called stoical. I use stoic in the sense of enduring hardship without showing feeling. Almost, “I can tough it out, don’t you worry!” No, I think it’s more in line with Jesus’ teachings on suffering and faith and how to live one’s life regardless of the circumstances. We are called to be aware of our broken places, our weak places (if anyone says they don’t have them, I’d say that’s an example that you do … sorry), while we are similarly called to employ our gifts which are manifestations of our strength. It’s that weak/strong dichotomy that defines human existence in this life. And,when the weak side raises up its head abnormally high, the question is, what to do about it?

Here are the lyrics to Hillsong United’s “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail).”  Feel free to get it through iTunes or Spotify or to YouTube it.