Can anyone overestimate the power behind words of encouragement and affirmation? It seems so simple but how much of our time spent in daily interaction with others is structured around that knowledge?  And, let’s cull out the kind of hollow encouragement our culture awards to celebrities and the powerful. Much of that is simply idolatry and sycophancy. No, this is about an openness to the life of another in such a way that we can be aware of their challenges, however small or large, and be at least a momentary light in their journey. I know that I am growing in this capacity (and some would say it’s already a gift for me) but I also have a long way ago. I just received a message late yesterday that I had overlooked someone’s pain and and they felt neglected. I could have a number of excuses why that was the case but I was convicted and need to pay attention to that today.

Thank you to all of you for your remarkable words of encouragement, affirmation, and affection. I don’t believe I’ve mentioned this but I find a sweet parallel between where this particular physical problem I’m having actually is and the relationships that are at the core of how we’re dealing with it. I shared before that the neurosurgeon said it resides in “God’s Country,” a jam-packed cluster of unbelievably complex networks of nerves and vessels. The power for the operating system, so to speak.  In the same way, we are designed to be connected with one another, each piece (person) uniquely able to provide sustenance to others. The more connected we are, while focused on those things that really matter, the more we flourish individually and as communities. I know of an elderly family member, once vibrant and highly successful, who long ago chose isolation over relationship. He has descended into a state that is truly tragic. I learned more about his condition late last night and will try to think of ways to help but it may be too late. I juxtapose his state with where I am, given all of you, and I am simply in awe. I wonder what each of us is going to do today to reach out in an encouraging way to someone who could probably use a boost? Salesperson? Child? Friend? Stranger? My friend, Ken, says to try to catch someone doing something good each day.

So, encouragement was on my heart early this morning. 3:30 and I are now very well acquainted! The other is significance.

We had the most delightful dinner and visit last night with our dear friends of thirty years. We have shared so much of our lives together and are intertwined in beautiful ways. Both of them have suffered huge physical setbacks and, although they are quite healthy today, need to conscientiously monitor their conditions. They do not take life lightly. They care deeply, with full hearts. We got to chatting about how, too often, friends and acquaintances gather and make a lot of small talk (not that small talk is bad by any means) but rarely spend time boring deeply into the things that matter. How often do we admit the things that truly trouble us or volunteer that we struggle not knowing or understanding things that are really meaningful? Anyway, our discussion flowed and included laughter and tears and even stepping out of comfort zones for a minute.

What is significant, anyway? I like to ask the question, to what do we ascribe ultimate meaning?  And, is it important to answer that question? And, if answered, how does that translate into the many ways I live my life?

For most of my life, I believed meaning was in the search for meaning. As an educator, I was intimately involved with the learning of my students, then in how to lead hundreds and even thousands of other educators in helping people learn. We had this maxed out adage called “life long learning.” It was this kind of grand objective around which all else was shaped. In other words, the goal of all education and all learning was to create learners.

Not bad on the surface. No one I respect wants to create a population of unintelligent, disinterested, uninformed adults. However, I grew into seeing a hollowness in this. If the process is around promoting the process, is that all there is?

What are we processing or progressing towards?  Equality? Freedom? Unlimited happiness?

Isn’t it true that when we face crises, especially existential ones, that we learn what is significant and where we place ultimate meaning? In a  wealthy culture where we’re able to mitigate many of the formerly powerful threats to our existence, we can more easily slough off responsibility to pay attention to these kinds of things.

In our couples’ small group, we spend a lot of time diving deeply into this. It reminds me of when Jack, Mike and I sat around our little duplexes in Del Mar while in college and wrestled with the grand questions. We were undoubtedly not the norm and I can’t say it never involved an adult beverage but I was remarkably enriched and became attached to what my dad remembered in his college days (1938-42) as bull sessions. These weren’t always debates but, rather, inquiries into what is important. Fast forward many decades and jobs and families and routines and pressures and how many of us have benefited from regular outlets for our grand hopes and deep anxieties?

I’ve learned to ask those two questions in professional settings as we try to get to what is really significant. What do you hope for and what are you anxious about?  Wow.

I need to be clear: Life is not necessarily just a constant plumbing of the depths. What wonder in simple relaxed interaction with others when we can just be and let go!

But, we need balance and I’ve grown so much in the past ten years, through interacting with many others who think deeply and care even more deeply.

We did this little exercise in our Monday morning men’s group (there have been anywhere from six to ten members over the past eight or nine years) a few years back. What do you want your epitaph to say? Of course, this is figurative because almost no one gets grave stones with epitaphs these days but that’s not the point. In other words, here lies fill in the blank, he/she blah blah. What is the significant thing about this former life we’d want to be known and remembered for?  Do you ever think about that? I do. And, I’ve changed.

Diane and I recently attended the memorial for the father of one of my very best and favorite high school students. In fact, her family basically adopted me and, later, Diane and I had more contact with Sally than any other of my thousands of students. Her dad was my doctor for awhile. The large Episcopal church downtown in San Diego was filled beyond capacity. Hundreds and hundreds came out and we all learned how Sally’s father had lived a life of deep service and care beyond what most of had an inkling of. Yes, he was a gifted physician and a devoted husband and father. But, he was described as one who had a remarkable capacity to just listen and be present to all he came into contact with. He cared deeply for each individual and sought to help them flourish in their life. We went out to dinner just before I retired and he gave me a beautiful little book about what is significant for someone living into life after “retiring.”  The good news for Diane and me is that we’d already begun talking about that before retiring and we’ve been trying to live by its principles.

I’m almost done. Let’s take it beyond epitaph and make it a eulogy. What would we hope would be described about us, should we die tomorrow, by those who know us best and are gathering in remembrance?  And, what lies behind the words being used that really reflect how we looked at the true meaning of our existence in this life?

As Tim Keller has said and we all know intuitively, each of us gives ultimate meaning to something or group of things. As Diane and I face this current challenge, we hope to stay centered on exactly that which gives us ultimate meaning and, therefore, creates significance for our lives. You all are a very special part of both of these things.

Finally, we are still awaiting insurance approval to the final specialist. It normally takes 7-10 days for this level. We have a good relationship with the executive assistant to my neurosurgeon doing her best to expedite things. The Tylenol around the clock is doing well. I still get tired much more quickly which is ironic given the exertion I was doing only three weeks ago. But, that may also be God’s way of getting me to submit and dedicate attention to healing.