How are we supposed to feel during this time of year, anyway?

Part of the problem is with the words “supposed to.” For starters, we are led to look forward to the holiday season with great anticipation. Most working people get at least an extra few days off from their jobs, with some taking additional vacation time, as much of the non-retail business world slows down a bit. Add in trips, families and friends getting together, parties and gatherings, gift-giving, boat loads of pies, cookies and other sweets and there is certainly cause to be festive.

Of course, Christians and Jews have their own reason for celebration as certain days carry special meaning.

I wonder, though, how people are actually feeling beyond the prescribed notion that we should all be joy-filled?

I know that this time of year can be especially challenging for many people for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps they’ve recently lost a loved one and this is the first Christmas of their absence. Perhaps this has been a tough year for other reasons, making it terribly difficult to muster up enthusiasm. Perhaps there are challenging family members that are usually avoided but no such luck now.

Then, let’s add in the hustle and bustle on roads and in shopping centers. The need to buy and buy only accelerates as deadlines loom large. I avoid all of this as much as possible but am sure that tempers edge upwards and can easily shove love and joy aside.

I am so fortunate that our annual house guests are such lovely people. Diane’s sisters and husbands arrive for the week with their three dogs so we have six adults and five beasts afoot and about in our modest home. But Diane decorates the inside beautifully so wherever you look, we see color and light and images of things that make the heart sing. We love one another so much. There is laughter and cooking and visiting and no crazy uncles to deal with. On Christmas Eve, after some of us return from church, other family and dear friends will arrive, swelling our ranks to something like 18 for dinner. With a beautiful Christmas tree and many presents on display, I feel that this is how it’s supposed to be. Look up Christmas Cheer in the dictionary and you might see a photo of our home on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning.

On the other hand …

On the other hand, I received the news a couple of days ago that my very dear friend has brain cancer. Until a biopsy is performed in the next two or three weeks, we will not know for certain how advanced it is but the early indication is that it is growing rapidly. He is like a brother to me and there is no way to take such news joyfully. He, too, will have a house full of grown children and this news will not be easy for them to digest. I will be by his side for whatever it takes. Neither of us is Pollyanna. We know that this kind of thing happens. He has stood by me through my many medical challenges, while this is the first one for him. We both know that life can change in a moment’s notice but there is no getting around what it actually means when something like this occurs.

So, how are we supposed to feel this time of year? The answer is that there is no supposed to. For whatever reason, the world or tradition may have its own ideas about this but what is important is that we continue to reflect the values that drive us every other day.

Do we approach our days, open to both joys and sorrows that are a reality of life? Do we approach our days, attuned to the sufferings and celebrations that are ever present? Do we search our hearts to identify the hardened places that keep us from truly loving others? Do we seek to find the good in others, even if we disagree with them on this or that thing? Do we idolize things like money or health or position to the point where the loss of one shatters us? Do we wake up each morning with the expectation that no matter what our own situation is, we have an opportunity to bless someone else that day, whether they are known to us or a complete stranger?

What greater joy is there than to be surrounded by love? What greater darkness is there to live without love of any kind. What can we do to enhance the love we both give and receive?

To me, this particular season is about that. I admit I have a long way to go. I deeply regret the times when I do not act lovingly, which occurs far too frequently. I regret the times in my life when I have not heard the plea of the needy, nor given comfort to the afflicted. I regret the hurt I have caused others and am deeply grateful for the forgiveness I’ve received.

It does not matter to me what I’m supposed to feel. What matters is how I actually feel and what I do about that. So, this Christmas, when I celebrate the birth of the God I’ve chosen to follow, I know I will feel both joy and sorrow because that’s what it means to be fully alive. I will rejoice in so many things while also embracing the struggles of many others. To me, Merry Christmas is about gratitude. And, of that, I have much.

With that in mind, I have only one response: To fall on my knees.

Thank you for listening. With love, Brad