Well, that was an interesting four months!

Thank you for all of your heartfelt and loving messages since we broke the news late yesterday. As I woke up this morning, Diane greeted me with a smile and a “Good morning, healthy boy!”

To say the least, we’ve been doing some grinning since Dr. Viets’ long-anticipated phone call. And from the sound of it, we’re not alone! Diane and I are so blessed to be surrounded by the most remarkable people. Fellow travelers along for the ride, roller coaster that it is.

So, after his initial joyful message to me upon hearing the news, my friend Gary basically asked what’s with prayer, anyway? Now, you have to understand Gary a bit as he’s a scientist given to asking questions and he’s about as much a prayer warrior as you can ask for. And, understanding Gary as I do, I know he sent that particular question with an impish smile on his face.

But, he has a point.

What is it with prayer? And, specifically, what’s the deal with prayer and healing?

A lot of people pray. Actually, most people pray. Some people know exactly who or what they are praying to (or with) and some people are not sure but are hopeful that someone or some thing is paying attention.

And, when it comes to big deals like serious illness, prayer usually ramps up.

Many of us, though by no means all, think that God answers prayers, although most of us don’t know exactly how that works. This is especially true when we seek healing. Of course, this is a big sticky point between believers and non-believers or skeptics. The classic comeback is “why did he choose to heal that person but not the other person?” That’s a very real and understandable question.

Case in point: After my initial diagnosis of a very rare breakdown of my carotid artery adjacent to my brain, we were told by some top doctors that it was both very dangerous and probably inoperable. For quite awhile we lived with the knowledge that my life could end at any moment, though I felt pretty healthy otherwise. A lot of things kicked into gear, ranging from some deep introspection (given life in these blogs, among other things) to a rather large number of people praying for my healing.

It’s interesting. While Diane and I and most of you were praying for healing (asking for God’s actual intervention to make this dangerous abnormality flat out disappear), perhaps my strongest request was that God hold me tight whatever happened. Put another way, my fundamental urge was to remain close to him and to surrender into his plan for my life. Honestly, I did that pretty much without expectation of the result. Stronger than my request for healing was my request that I live a life reflective of him for however long I had … be it a day, a week, a month or much longer.

Now, I cannot be the judge of how well I did in that department. I’m sure I fell far short but hopefully not entirely. However, I can testify to answered prayer immediately. This cannot be disputed.

Neither Diane nor I ever really felt fear and our actual anxiety rarely registered.

You see, “healing” is a complex thing. We look at it as the resolution of some physical problem. That’s no small thing, especially for those of us who face potentially fatal diseases or crippling conditions. And, “prayer” is a complex thing.

I think God’s healing hand touched my soul immediately, helping me to relax and trust. To surrender. And, I know Diane felt this too, as we talked about it. Clearly, this is a byproduct of having God at the center of our lives.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It would be a mistake to hear me say that this is easy. Surrender is never easy. And, pain or a major disruption to life is obviously very unpleasant. But, having experienced those things without God and with him, there’s just no comparison.

Someone told me recently, that I must be very brave to live through this with a kind of contentment he witnessed. Another person asked me this morning if I felt a 400 lb. weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Looked at objectively, those comments make a whole lot of sense. I’d have said the same thing if the roles were reversed. But, neither struck me as true. I’ve not felt brave and I’ve not felt like I’m carrying a gigantic weight around. Perhaps that sounds pompous. What I honestly felt is a kind of courage that didn’t take effort and a kind of weight that did not make me really bend my knees too much.

I think these things are directly related to prayer and healing.

The license plate on our Jeep reads “MTW1720.” We’ve had that on three different vehicles since 2005. It refers to the verse in the Gospel of Matthew (17:20) where Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

A mustard seed is an incredibly small thing and a mountain is a very big thing. Duh. Moving mountains by speaking to them is plain ridiculous. But this statement is actually about faith and faith is both very simple and very complex. Faith is a thing but it has implications that bore into minute fibers, touching the immense and the miniscule. In the scheme of things, we tiny beings in a vast universe are pretty inconsequential but that doesn’t mean anything because in God’s economy, the math doesn’t work that way. The smallest things can be infinitely precious and what we think of as huge and vastly important can, in fact, be virtually without significance. This is the reality in which I live and it’s far more real than any I’ve ever encountered or studied. It’s proven to me just about every day.

Why do I mention all of this? In my world (which I maintain is the true world, despite worthy arguments to the contrary), a big detour like hearing of some life-threatening condition is not a deterrent to the fact that this detour is really very, very small.

It is small because it doesn’t change important priorities and it doesn’t change the position of that directional needle that governs our behavior and attitude … the true north, so to speak. That needle is not dependent upon the ebbs and flows of daily life, nor upon the shifting sands of our feelings and emotions. It is small because we are either eternal beings or we’re not. I stand on the fact we are. So, between True North and eternal life, they tend to provide quite a different perspective to detours. And, that perspective assumes surrender, which (counterintuitively) provides both courage and contentment.

I guess this is getting a bit heady but let’s pull this back into healing and prayer.

Prayer is far more than asking God to provide some benefit, as in, “please heal that darned artery so I can continue living.” And healing is far more than reformatting the fibers and connective tissues that form arterial walls.

Prayer is recognizing God’s place in our lives and practicing his presence through speaking and listening … just as we would with anyone else we’re in a relationship with. And healing is all about flourishing in both body and spirit.

I am humbled by the many, many people who have been praying for me. It’s really mind-boggling and just plain stunning. Many who have been praying actually love me. Imagine that! Others who may not know me well, love Diane so are praying for me in that context. 🙂 Some know either one of us less well but are associated with us. And, still others don’t really know either one of us but are part of a prayer group where someone showed up and said, “hey, there’s this guy Brad that I know (or that someone I know knows) and he could really use our prayer.” In other words, a whole lot of people are setting their own cares aside and seeking to put mine first.

In God’s economy, that’s very cool. It’s one way of defining love. And, if anyone says love can’t heal, then they probably don’t know the meaning of true love. Prayer is forming connecting tissue and with God at the center, that connection is immensely powerful. It may not produce the exact result those praying are seeking but it does produce results … some quite tangible and some less tangible. In God’s economy they are both bountiful.

And, here’s one really difficult thing to wrap our heads around: Why did my body heal but the bodies of other loving and faithful people not heal? Why has there not been healing in those others who have received at least as much prayer as I have and some who have received far more and for much longer periods of time?

This is especially painful as we are extremely close to a number of the most loving and beautiful people you could ever want to know and each of them suffers from very painful and debilitating diseases that have no known cure.

And, then there’s Shannon. If anyone “deserved” to live and whose large circle was praying ceaselessly on bended knees, it was she. But she didn’t.

Some will take this as evidence that God does not exist or that if he does he is not really a loving God.

I look at the lives of these people, those alive and the one deceased, and I can’t calculate the good they’ve done and how remarkably they face their days with courage and determination. They stumble but they don’t fall. There is beautiful healing going on, despite the pain.

For those of you who have been reading many of these posts, you’ll understand when I say my most important healing occurred eleven years ago. And, it continues every day. It’s a healing that is life altering and results in a complete shift in perspective. It’s a healing that allows me to both surrender into the love of others and to extend that love when I can. It’s a healing that allows me to live in a reality with both joy and sorrow as companions. It’s a healing that opens my ears to God’s whispers and helps me to frame thoughts and words that guide my life.

I cannot answer all of the questions. I may not know God’s intentions on any specific thing. I realize that some people will choose not to believe in God because certain things don’t make sense. I basically used to think that way. I was wrong. I remain a rational guy who seeks answers and, a lot of the time, I get them. But, I’m also content in not knowing everything. I’ll leave that to God. The alternative is just a desert that will go poof in the end.

What’s the deal with healing and prayer? They both work. They work big time.

One last thing. I just need to leave everyone with the realization that we’re really, really stoked!! Hallelujah! It’s just very cool. Some real celebration going on! Thank you!!