Preamble

Part 1: I probably overdid it yesterday. Too much activity. Too little rest. No single thing, really. All seemed important to address or accomplish at the time. From 6:30am til around 8pm. Of course, the pace was nothing like I’ve experienced for long stretches in my past. Or nothing like what many of you are experiencing now. But, under the circumstances …

I hope this does not come across as whining.

Diane and I had a little talk late in the evening. Well, late for us maybe, not late for people who watch the 10pm news or late night shows. (Is there 10pm news?) Anyway, as usual, she made some observations and asked some key questions. I mean, really key questions. Like the one I use frequently when coaching others, such as what are you hopeful about and what makes you anxious? You mean, someone has the right to ask me that?? 🙂  As we analyzed the fact that I was actually feeling stressed, which is not a good thing where I am right now, she correctly asked me what or whose voice was I listening to at the moment. That’s another one I’ve used and I’m glad she turned the lens on me. We made some good progress. Aside from some particulars that are best left to our discussion, she pointed out that, right now, my health trumps the other stuff. She will protect that and I’m grateful. You all know I don’t deserve her. 🙂

Part 2: Our dear friends, Patty, Kiki and Mary arrived at 7:30 this morning for our regular Friday prayer session … always held at Susan’s house, but she is currently traveling. Can there be a better way to start the day then to be surrounded by smiles, hugs, laughter, fresh bagels, muffins, presents and … oh, yes, song, deep prayer and worship? Well, maybe that’s just me.

The Main Act

Do you have a bucket list?

I never knew there was such a thing until that movie came out some years ago. I know I eventually saw it and can remember snippets but that’s about all. A dying guy and another guy. Trying to live to the fullest before the power plug gets pulled.

Since, then, I hear that phrase all the time. As in, “That’s on my bucket list.” “I want to see this or experience that.” While I respect that that’s how some people think and it works for them, I don’t think like that. No offense!!

The theory, as I understand it, is to experience the key things in life that one has not experienced before succumbing to the grim reaper. This can be in the form of beautiful places or exhilarating activities like jumping out of an airplane. As far as I know, twenty somethings are not lining up with their bucket lists. Maybe they are, but I’d say, chill. No need to rush. Just call them things I’d like to do.

Speaking of which, I think I was in my pre-kids late twenties or early thirties when I got the hair brained idea to traverse the continental United States in an ultralight plane. I don’t see them around much anymore and there’s probably a reason for that. When I used to see them, they looked and sounded like lawn mowers with wings. It seemed exciting to travel at 300 feet across the deserts, mountains and plains for 3000 miles on a winged lawn mower. Diane was less excited.

Instead, she gave me bungee jumping for my birthday a number of years later.  By then, the boys were alive, albeit pretty young, and I had a cheering section as I scaled the approximately 80 foot tower and was strapped into the harness. I remember looking down at them. Pretty small people from eight stories up. When asked if I needed encouragement to leap, as some apparently required, I confidently replied, “I got this.” Then, I did a perfect swan dive off a secure ledge, thinking a millisecond later, that that was a really dumb thing to do. Check that one off. Never did do that ultralight trip across the U.S. Never will.

So, now, I’m a handful of days shy of my 62nd birthday and facing another health challenge. It got me to thinking.

Actually, I had a conversation with a friend yesterday. I asked him if he would live his life differently if he was given six months to live. Three months. One month. And, if he’d live his life differently, what would that look like?

There’s certainly no lack of platitudes around. Carpe Diem. Seize the Day! Live in the Moment! There’s No Time Like the Present! And, my goodness! There’s so much to see and do. So much of life to experience! I want to get while the getting is good.

I’m not immune to this. But, I’m given pause to think.

We all have experiences that we look back upon to say that was amazing. Whoa. That was a showstopper. They may have bound us to a kind of transcendent beauty or something of ultimate value. Thank God, I’ve had more than a few. Some are relational, some are a moment with nature, some are a place that takes our breath away.

Mike and I survived a terrible snow storm on the floor of Yosemite Valley in late December of 1975. We had my little Jansport tent and two down bags. It was really, really cold and miserable. Until we awoke one morning and I’m not sure there’s something more beautiful than Half Dome and El Capitan in full sunlight reflected off of fields of fresh snow with almost nobody around. Then, there’s Diane walking through the front door of a friend’s house, who had set us up on a blind date for the evening of January 15, 1982. I’d arrived first and the view of her and the evening that followed was a showstopper. Of our sons being born. Of finally (finally!) getting through to teenagers at school who had put up every resistance and were suffering so terribly … to find out that their lives had purpose and meaning. Of watching Diane and her sisters and nieces just laugh and sing and talk over one another so as it’s plainly unintelligible while showering each other with love. I could go on and on as each of you can.

All sorts of questions bubble up if we let them. What do these experiences actually mean and what are we actually seeking?

Most of humanity, of course, does not have the wherewithal to travel to exotic places and to even consider the concept of a bucket list. Is that relevant? Should we be guided by the fact that most of us have resources nearly everyone else only dreams about? If you’re reading this, you’re probably like me, in the top smallest fraction of a percent of humans in history that have the means to contemplate such options. What does that say?

I have come to grips with a reality that says it’s ok to have wealth and substance, although sometimes that’s not easy. (However, it certainly raises the question of what to do with it.) I definitely don’t subscribe to a way of thinking that I says deserve it. Perhaps it’s because I fall under that axiom: “There but for the grace of God goeth I.” In other words, by some chance I was born and raised in a place that’s now one of the world’s nerve centers (popularly known as Silicon Valley) while I currently live in sunny San Diego, having benefited by so many things I can’t begin to tally them.

I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t get the whole thing. I don’t get every dimension of wealth and poverty, good and evil, social justice, the temporal and spiritual, the list goes on. But, I have to live my life based on something and the concept of bucket lists offers one way in.

At the risk of offense, I don’t believe I should be paying too much attention to what I need to get out of life while I’m breathing on this side of the equation. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be paying too much attention to how I’m living my life on this side of the equation. It’s the difference between getting and living.

Diane and I have been unbelievably blessed. Down on our knees in thanksgiving blessed. Really, after all? Camping on the beach at Pendleton, courtesy of the generosity of our dear friend Sharon, in September and December. Traipsing through giant redwoods last May and sequoias in October. Climbing beautiful mountains and rugged trails in place after place in the last three years. Eating chowder and drinking local brews while enjoying picture postcard Maine harbors with friends during autumn. Laughing and crying with loved ones. Visiting with our terrific sons and other close family and friends. Coming alongside others who are hurting with comfort and care. Receiving comfort and care when the tables have turned. We’ve been to beautiful places that are incomparable. We are close to others in incomparable ways.

Yes, we absolutely look forward to many adventures. God willing, we will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary this summer, on an extended three week trip to the Mediterranean with friends. Wow! There are other destinations. More mountains and trails. Many more people. Big moments and small moments.

But, those blessings haven’t always come via the obvious ways described above. They arrive when we confront suffering in others and in ourselves and, through that, life is able to flourish in unimaginable ways. When we live our lives around not pursuing how much we can get but how much we are capable of giving, that tends to reframe things. In this, I’m on the upside of the learning curve. Quite a ways to go.

So, what of the question hanging there about how we’d live our life, knowing the time was limited? Of course, most of us have asked ourselves this question in some way. It’s actually a neat little mental exercise that exposes values and priorities. If we follow the thinking, where are we led?

Well, let’s first agree that our time is limited. Period. Does the amount of time make a difference? Does it make a difference whether we know or not?

Some of you might rightfully be thinking something along the lines of, “OK Brad, you’re retired right now. Your children are grown and independent. Knowing you, you’ve probably set things up so that you’re not fretting each day whether you’ll have enough resources to sustain life for you and/or Diane into the future. You have options on how to spend that remaining time, while I do not. I have responsibilities to provide and care for others, etc…” Bingo.

It still begs the question. Now, I don’t want to make too fine a point of all of this. Yes, I’d probably structure my time a bit differently if I knew I had, say, a day left. Or a week.  As compared to six months. And, I’d probably structure my time a bit differently if I had many years left as opposed to six months. But, let’s clear away these distinctions and focus on the real issue.

It comes down to values and priorities. Values (or guiding principles) are the things that create meaning for us. They are some of the things that distinguish us from all other animal and plant life. Chemical or biological particles (star dust) do not have values. People do. All of us do. Without exception. Sometimes, we’re conscious of them and sometimes we’re not. Sometimes, we delude ourselves into thinking this thing is of real value to me when that other thing actually is of greater value, as evidenced by my behavior. In other words, I don’t actually walk the talk. Sorry if this is getting too dry and I’ll stop before going on.

Anyway, if values or principles guide our actions, then priorities is how we organize them. We can’t do everything at once. We can’t focus very well on multiple paths if we don’t know how to prioritize our values. Which brings me back to the question and this bucket list thing.

If we play the “I have limited time left on this earth, so what should I do with it?” game then we should ask ourselves what do we value the most and how do we prioritize that, given our present knowledge?

I make no judgment about how anyone else answers this question. I’m not in charge of their life. I can only answer for myself from where I sit right now. And, I have control of the keyboard.

I do value God above all. Given my many weaknesses, I know I don’t behave that way as much as I should. (See above.) And, the corollary is, I value a personal relationship with God above all. In other words, God is not some disembodied force to me but a real, live, being with whom I can relate. (Not always easy to do, given God’s vast nature but nevertheless …) Next, I value my relationships with other people. In a sense, I know those relationships work best when God given gifts like love, grace, compassion and so on are at the center. Go figure! It’s that we’re created in God’s image thing. Honestly, after those two things, the rest is gravy. I value beauty that is found in so many places and ways, some of them counterintuitive or countercultural. I value contentment. I value expression and creativity. I value honesty and transparency. I value hope and resiliency.

If I could write the script, I would not want to die alone and unloved. I would like to pass from this life into the next, surrounded by loved ones who share their love in all sorts of ways. I would like to hear truths expressed through words. I would like to be immersed in beautiful music that lifts my mind, heart and spirit. I would like to be reminded of a life led with meaning. I would like to experience joy. I would not mind if I had not seen or done something. That would not matter.

Yes, I’d like to see some sights before I die, if that’s possible. They may or may not be the ones you are thinking about. I’d like to participate in some activities before I die (like maybe being a grandpa, God willing). Again, they may or may not be the ones you’re thinking about. But, if I don’t, that will be ok, too. How ever much time I have left, I will trust that the days are rich and that my life flourishes. I ask that I have strength to do the necessary work and to meet whatever challenges I may face while having the heart to provide the necessary love. Each day is a gift and that frames the bucket list.

In the end, I’m a Door B person (see post on Mortality). I actually believe, as hard as it may be to comprehend, that there will come a time in my eternal existence, not long from now (whether it’s tomorrow or thirty years from now) when I will look back and wonder what all of the fuss was about. Most Door A people will believe that I suffer from a delusion and such wishful thinking masks the reality that death is death. End of report. I choose, after thirty plus years of analyzing this thing every which way, to bet on the long view.

With that in mind and as we close, the concept of bucket lists can take on a different color. As one who believes in the reality of a personal God, with whom I can relate, and who loves me unconditionally, the way I live my life now and the things I value and prioritize have to be less about getting and more about being. We’ve come full circle. So, yes, it’s carpe diem. Live in the moment. But how we look at the moment is the key and that’s what I reflect upon.

Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33.